Yesterday was a "down in the dumps," "woe is me" kinda day. I haven't been sleeping the greatest - call it pregnancy insomnia or too much on my mind - but whatever it is, I'm up for several hours in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep. And with my 8-10 trips to the bathroom and 1-2 trips to the kitchen for a snack, sleep just doesn't happen like it used to. So starting the day off being exhausted really didn't help my mood.
While I'm thankful that my parents have been caring for Amaya so much during the week to allow me time to rest, I miss her TERRIBLY!! So, yesterday... I had things all planned out that we'd watch a couple of episodes of "19 Kids and Counting" snuggled in bed on my phone and then I had some winter craft projects planned. Do you realize how difficult it is to be able cut and glue things while laying down?!? Very frustrating, but our project turned out wonderful and I cherished the time I was able to spend with her while still following Dr. Harms orders.
One of my co-workers had stopped by Wednesday evening to bring a meal, visit, and deliver some Christmas cookies since I won't be able to bake this season... And she also brought a special project for me to work on. One of our nurses is retiring the beginning of January, and I was asked to address the invitations for her retirement party. I really enjoyed doing something different and feeling productive.. but I couldn't help but think about my dear friends at work and all that I was missing.
After I finished addressing the envelopes, Amaya and I had a "picnic" in our bed for lunch. She ended up having a meltdown because she wanted another bagel, but we didn't have anymore left. She stomped out of our bedroom and slammed her bedroom door. My heart just broke... poor girl... She's been so flexible, so sweet, so understanding, and so obedient... and on any other day, we would have just gone to the store to get some more. But with a mama on bed rest... there's just not much I could do to console her. Fortunately, Steve called at just the right time and was able to reason with her. I just felt so bad for her and so utterly helpless. I mean, for goodness sakes, it's just a bagel... but it just made me realize how difficult this must be for her when she doesn't quite understand. It's been challenging to keep things "normal" for her, but we're trying.
Dad came to pick me up for my appointment in the afternoon. I was only having an ultrasound to check my amniotic fluid and a consultation with an OB. Steve needed to do a site visit at the Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center where one of his staff works, so he was able to swing by and go to my appointment with me. Unfortunately, my amniotic fluid dropped to 6.5cm - it was 7.1cm on Monday. I'm still in the acceptable range, but needless to say, I was discouraged. But little Wes was practicing his breathing great and we think he had another case of the hiccups! :-) My blood pressure was 130/100 - the diastolic was a little higher than we would have liked, but it's still stable. Since I was meeting with a different OB, she wanted to err on the side of caution and have me do a repeat 24 hour urine to check for protein and get blood work for all the "preeclampsia labs" (liver function, kidney function, etc.) What I appreciated most about this OB, is that she was very encouraging and told me I was doing a good job. It's EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I'm very frustrated that despite resting and drinking fluids, that I didn't have better numbers... but I was told, it's pretty much out of my control. She also said that there's a big difference between a 28 week old baby and a 33 week old baby and the fact that I've been able to go this long was something we should be celebrating. Once again, I'm reminded to celebrate each day that little Wes can grow. My next appointment is on Monday morning - we'll see what Dr. Harms wants to do with us then.
Today's a new day... I'm trying to keep my spirits up... my sister sent me an encouraging e-mail yesterday, so I'm reading that over and over today and my mother-in-law called to check up on me and shared some encouraging words. Yesterday was so difficult trying to push those negative thoughts aside, so today I read through the book of James a couple times - it's one of my favorite books of the Bible. It's a gentle reminder that God is continuing to shape me, mature my faith, and that everything will work together for the good - It's just that there are some days I just need to whine and complain every so often. :-) Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement - we feel very loved!