Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Steve's Surgery

It's another surgery day.... another day of hours of waiting... another day of hours of praying... another day of hours of worrying... another day of giving Steve over to God's capable hands.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for Steve and our family over the past 7 months. We've felt wrapped in God's love and your faithful prayers. On the days when I'm most discouraged, somehow God manages to find someone out there to send us an e-mail, or offer to watch Amaya, or call us with encouragement. We're constantly reminded that there are people out there loving us and supporting us from near and far away.

Our "new normal" routine has been hospital visits, surgery, CT scans, and antibiotics. The staff on Mayo 9 know Steve by name and even by the shoes he wears!

Things are the same in so many ways, yet so different. Steve hasn't been himself for such a long time, and when he feels good, I get encouraged that maybe we can get back to "normal". But on the days where he doesn't feel good, it's discouraging because he isn't himself and I wonder and worry that we'll never get back to "normal". So, we're trying to adapt to this new idea of "normal."

Never did I imagine on our wedding day, that when I vowed to take care of my husband "in sickness and in health," how literal that vow truly is. The hardest thing for me is seeing Steve in pain and there's absolutely nothing that I can do. I feel so helpless and absolutely terrified that I can't make it better. And so, daily, I have to give up control and give Steve completely and utterly to God.

These past 7 months have changed me... changed my relationship with God... changed my prayer life... changed our marriage... and all for the good, although some days it's hard to believe that God can use this for good. I'm learning to depend on God daily - sometimes hourly. I'm learning to communicate better with Steve and we've grown so much closer. I've realized that Steve has forever changed me and my life is so much better with him than without him. And I've learned never to take him or our family or friends for granted because in the past 7 months I've never needed everyone more.

So, as we approach this day... we ask for more prayers... prayers for wisdom for the doctors, nurses, anyone who cares for Steve today... prayers for peace and calm as we wait for his surgery to be over... prayers for his parents who will be graciously keeping me company at the hospital... prayers for my parents as they care for Amaya... prayers for good pain control... prayers for no nausea... prayers for restful sleep... prayers for healing... prayers for strength... prayers for a quick recovery... prayers for me while I'm working the next few days... Already, we've seen God answer so many prayers - Steve will be able to return to his internship when he is ready and I've been able to pick up two extra shifts at work. God's also provided us with normal days this past week - going to Mall of America for dinner watch Amaya go on rides, taking a boat ride with Steve's parents on Lake Pepin, and a beautiful day of going to open houses and garage sales. We're constantly reminded of God's faithfulness and provision.

I hope to update as quickly as possible on our blog, on facebook, and through e-mail when I have news to report.